For my English, English furniture colleagues, I would like to offer a few travel tips should they want to visit some of the more far flung auction houses in places like Hibbing, Minnesota, Fargo, North Dakota, Laurel, Mississippi, Anchorage, Alaska, Salem, Oregon, etc.
1. The weather will be violent–dress accordingly and bring a rubber duckie.
2. The people will be friendly except the violent ones–dress accordingly and pack heat.
3. Try the food, but not too much. Bring antacids.
4. The dollar is useless so bring yuan.
5. Don’t pack a bag because it will be lost and probably stolen.
6. Taxi drivers don’t know where they are going and probably don’t speak English.
7. Florida is not Disneyland.
8. California is not Disneyland.
9. Dubai is Disneyland but it is not in America.
10. English is spoken in America. Bring a Spanish dictionary.
11. Watch out for bears, wolves, coyotes, snakes, scorpions and tarantulas. They can all kill you. Pack heat.
12. Don’t pretend you are on vacation when you bump into another dealer.
13. If you get to know a local, emphasize your accent, particularly if you are wearing a tie. He might like foreigners and forgive the tie.
14. Don’t wear a tie.
15. Don’t wear a suit.
16. Forget the hot tea, drink Snapple.
17. We drive on the right, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we drive on the right.
18. Don’t order wine outside major cities. If you do, refer to #3.
19. American women love English accents. Their husbands and boyfriends might not. Pack heat.
20. Remember that the goods always look better “undiscovered” in America. Stay home, they will get to you eventually and you won’t have to heed the previsous 19 suggestions.