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The choices we make are often seen in retrospect as binary in nature, far simpler than they actually were. Most of them get whittled down because our memories simplify the decision making process we may have gone through. The gray area that we considered before going in one particular direction isn't entirely forgotten, but in the haze of memory, continues to take a back seat until the back seat dilapidates and disappears. I know this because I have a faulty memory and most of the people my age admit to having faulty memories. Our choices, particularly if they are good ones, like having invested in a stock like Apple or Microsoft early on, appear as slam dunks that we made along the way. Hindsight, when it comes to memory, is not always twenty-twenty, but what interests me is the role that emotion and intellect have in making choices. In particular, when it comes to creating one's own home, what or who is driving the choice making? Husbands and wives naturally have a geometrically more complicated task as there are two intellects and two emotional sides to consider.
I don't ever remember my parents discussing the decor of our home. My father was not an aesthete--he valued the things that he purchased or inherited, and he cared for them as best he could. To wit, I wrote a blog about the Model A Ford pickup truck that my grandfather, his father, bought new in 1931 (I think) that is still in the family (with my brothers). My father drove it to the train station every morning and to make trips to the town dump. He would, however, no more have purchased a Model A pickup to drive to the station than fly to the moon. My mother, on the other hand, was intrigued by old things. Her mother had purchased items at sales--she bought two very nice Boston block front chests and had a host of New England country furniture as well. My mother inherited a very nice Federal settee and sideboard, both circa 1800. Would my mother have bought these items in an antique store? I don't think so, but I don't know--did my parents keep these items because they were family heirlooms or because they fit into the way we lived? I have no idea, but I do remember my parents sense of frugality--they did have four children to rear so there was good reason for it.
Decisions had to be made, however, that required agreement between my parents. Who made them? When my mother bought some items in London in 1966, how did that come to pass? I have watched countless couples come onto my booth at fairs and seen deep disagreement on the part of one or the other participants. It is always a surprise when and if they come back and purchase something--indeed that is a rarity. Clearly, one person has been affected deeply by what they have seen and that requires them, within the dynamic of their marriage, to make it clear that a purchase needs to happen. Even a lone person has this struggle--yes, money is always a consideration, but most people going to fairs to shop have the funds to buy. The choice, as it is being made, is filled with the static of the gray area--there is no binary choice or else they wouldn't be hemming and hawing in front of me. How much of this is intellect--if any--I can't say, but I have seen it happen so often that I tend to just stop talking and try to listen to precisely what they are asking me. In the end, I understand the desire to own something that is unique--it has, after all, the quality of being unique. My parents set a tone of moderation and their choices did not, as far as I know, require deep thought and hence, I'm guessing that they were binary and based on intellect--to wit, the purse. Would having had more money in the bank have changed that? I don't think so as I suspect it was their true character, but I can't honestly say. I just don't know.
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